this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
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I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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