felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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