Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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