Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
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Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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