Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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