Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
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Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
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We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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