my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize