wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
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she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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