hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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