Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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