The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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