I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize