I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize