he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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