I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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