Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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