Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think I am morally bankrupt
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
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I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
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the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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