Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
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