so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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