It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
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He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
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Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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