Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize