I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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