i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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