Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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