she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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