Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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