I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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