im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
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...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
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I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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