I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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