Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
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Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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