I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
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Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
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I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's not a walk of shame if you run
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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