I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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