We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
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I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
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You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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