I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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