Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
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You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
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I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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