Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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