I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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