I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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