Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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