I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize