the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
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You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
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I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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