I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
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