Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize