If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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