Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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