if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize