OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
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The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
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Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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