i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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