that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
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Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
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Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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