I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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